highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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