Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
