Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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