just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
