i already hear my dad disowning me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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