I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
