Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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