so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am one with the molecules
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
