We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
