His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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