She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
