glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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