Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
