i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
