My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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