ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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