So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bring me that man meat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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