i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I just sharted jello shots
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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