I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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