Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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