So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
