just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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