these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
