Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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