you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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