You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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