Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
