there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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