when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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