I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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