He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
