just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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