If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
