there's paper in my vomit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
