I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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