Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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