I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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