There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
