apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
