whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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