Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
