what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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