Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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