you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
