me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
