Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy sore nipples Batman
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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