in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He passed out mid-signature
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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