you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
