we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
