I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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