the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
