the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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