Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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