South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
