Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
