you turned your livingroom into a bong?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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