she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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