Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
