you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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