at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
