Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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