why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
