mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
His nipple licking is glorious
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