Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
