Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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