have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
