Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
