Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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