Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
