My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
